MOSES SIMMONS

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NANNA NEEDS A GAT

Janet Reid's The SnappsyFlash Fiction Writing Contest!

In honor of my new best friend Snappsy The Alligator, I think we need a writing contest!Prize will be a copy of Snappy The Alligator (Did Not Ask To Be In This Book) which I love with all my cold little heart! (yes I bought two copies, one for me, and one for me you.)

The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story: snap, gator, ask, tie, iron

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: iron/irony is ok but tie/tile is not

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again.  It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: 9am, Saturday 9/2 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday 9/3

My Entry:

"Where’s your nanna?"

"She’s napping. Why?"

"She said she needed some muscle and asked for a gat or a tire iron. Tire iron’s too heavy, so I got her this Beretta Pico .380."

"Nanna said gat?"

"Yeah, she must love old movies."

"God, don’t give her a gun. She’s dangerous! We had to take her license and car away because she drinks."

“Hey, cutie, is that my heater?”

“Nanna, you don’t know how…”

“I ain’t no Dumb Dora.” She grabbed the gun. “It’s puny, but it’ll do.”

She pointed it at her grandson. “Now, sonny, about my car and license…”

UPDATE: I didn't make the 5 finalists, but I did make the long list! Winner(s) not yet determined.

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ONE LOUSY LETTER!

Janet Reid's Contest #101

The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story: last  letter  pogo (I put this one in just to see what Steve Forti will do with it!)  ease  lime

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the

prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.

Thus: pogo/pogostick is ok, but last/least is not

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: 9am, Saturdy, 6/17/17 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday, 6/18/17

My Entry (the very last one)

You wrote: “I was plastered.”

I meant to write, “It was plastered.”  It’s a typo, GOT IT?

What was plastered?

My hand.

Your hand was plastered?

A plaster is what you Yanks call a bandage.

Tell me again.

(sigh) I lost control of my car because my HAND was bandaged and slipped on the wheel, and I accidentally hit your police vehicle.

But you wrote…

Blimey, I forgot one lousy letter!

…

Hassling the perp, Officer?

A bit, Sir. He hit the police car...accidentally.

Oh!

I’ll release him when he’s finished his statement.

Carry on, Officer. (wink)

Yessir! (smile)

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UPDATE:  Cecilia is the winner, and Michael gets a prize, too, for Cecilia's inspiration.

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CAN'T ESCAPE GRACELAND!

At last, at last! Thank God Almighty, at last! 
Here it is:  Janet Reid's Contest #100

The prize is pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. A copy of Vargic's Miscellany of Curious Maps,  which is one of my all time faves.

The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story:

gaze (provided by Melanie Sue Bowles)

scapegrace  (provided by Julie Weathers)

scram (provided by Lennon Faris)

forti (provided by Megan V)

fin (provided by the comment column on 4/26/17)

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the

prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.

Thus: scram/scrambled is ok but scram/secret agent man is not.

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: 9am, Saturday, May 20 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday, May 21

I have ZERO chance of winning, but I still love the challenge. So, without further ado, here's

My Entry:

Jailhouse Rock

Dan Conner on ROSEANNE singing Jailhouse Rock

Texting…

“You got us reservations?”

“Zelma’s coming, too?”

“We got married!”

Gird your loins, honey. Your father married her.

That meshuga Zelma? That floozy with a voice like fingernails on a blackboard and the intellectual depth of spit?

“CONGRATS! Reservations at Beaufort SC Ramada, 809 Port Republic St. FYI it’s BYOO-fort in SC. Where are you?”

“Memphis. Can’t escape Graceland!”

Zelma’s touring Graceland.

AGAIN? How am I supposed to be nice to her?

Just think of your inheritance.

...

“Congratulations, you two! Look, honey, they brought us another Elvis painting. On VELVET!”

“How (inheritance) lovely (inheritance). Thanks, Dad… (inheritance inheritance) Zelma.”

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UPDATE:  Janet has already posted her preliminary results.  I got a mention:

Not quite a story but these cracked me up completely:

Peter Taylor 8:30pm

LynnRodz 8:12am

Kitty 8:25am

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HOOPTEDOODLE WITH PABLO and HENRY

Janet Reid's latest contest...

So, here are Pablo and Henry.

Tell us what they're thinking.

My (acrostic) Entry:

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UPDATE:  Janet has listed the finalists, and I made the list: No explanation required of why I love this one, right?  [ HERE and HERE ]

She's added a twist: Now, on to the new and diabolical way to torment you!

The prize for this contest is that the winning entry will provide the next prompt word for #100.

And I can hear you all shrieking and saying "oh my god, she IS going to pick Hooptedoodle, I knew it!"

But no. I'm going to let you choose your own adventure torment! From the entries above, pick the word that you think should be Word #4 for Contest #100.

Remember, a good prompt word is generally short, has more than one meaning, is not by definition pornographic or a swear word (although any word can take on those characteristics depending on context!)

Post your suggestions in the comment column. Include the entry writer with the word too, if you would.

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HE DRANK WITH IRISH ENTHUSIASM

Janet Reid's Contest #99

I'm reliably informed that this is the 99th flash fiction contest. (That number excludes contests that involved stacking books to make sentences, or anything involved with photos.)  99 is such a great number.  For me, it will always be the number associated with Maxwell Smart's sidekick: Agent 99.  In honor of #99, let's have a writing contest!

The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story:  agent  99  max  well  smart

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: max/Maximus is ok, but agent/argument is not

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: Saturday 3/4/17, 9am ~~ Contest closes: Sunday, 3/5/17, 9am

My Entry: 

Payday, and Muldoon’s at maximum capacity.  Yanks are singing “99 Bottles of Beer,” and Da’s discussing art with his mates.

“Looks like an orgasm, art at its worst,” said Da.

“It’s Jackson Pollock, ya eejit!”

“C’mon, Mam’s waitin’ dinner, and she’s in a fit.”

“Feckin spuds again.”

“Jayzus, Da, you’re drinkin' us all into vegetarianism!”

I held him while he splashed his wellies in the alley. “You’re a gent,” he said.

Mam handed me the letter from University.

“Are’ya accepted?”

I was. But with five wee-uns, and Da’s drinkin’, she needs my wages.

“No.”

She bowed her head and exhaled.

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UPDATE:  The finalists are posted; her decision comes later. I didn't make the finalists or even a mention.



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UPDATE: 7 May 2017

Well, this is very interesting.  It was reported back in 1995 that Modern art was CIA 'weapon':

For decades in art circles it was either a rumour or a joke, but now it is confirmed as a fact. The Central Intelligence Agency used American modern art - including the works of such artists as Jackson Pollock, Robert Motherwell, Willem de Kooning and Mark Rothko - as a weapon in the Cold War. In the manner of a Renaissance prince - except that it acted secretly - the CIA fostered and promoted American Abstract Expressionist painting around the world for more than 20 years.

The connection is improbable. This was a period, in the 1950s and 1960s, when the great majority of Americans disliked or even despised modern art - President Truman summed up the popular view when he said: "If that's art, then I'm a Hottentot." As for the artists themselves, many were ex- communists barely acceptable in the America of the McCarthyite era, and certainly not the sort of people normally likely to receive US government backing.

Why did the CIA support them? Because in the propaganda war with the Soviet Union, this new artistic movement could be held up as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom, and the cultural power of the US. Russian art, strapped into the communist ideological straitjacket, could not compete.

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BECAUSE SHE IS HAPPY TO SEE ME

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PUBLISH OR PERISH

Janet Reid’s Triple play flash fiction contest!

Tuesday marked the publication of Loretta Sue Ross's third book in the Auction Block series, a series I love so much I always hope she needs a couple revisions with every book so I can read them more than once. (Sadly, she hardly ever needs more than one set of revision notes, it's really frustrating). To mark this lovely milestone let's have a writing contest! The prize will be ALL THREE of Loretta's books, and boy oh boy you WANT to win these.

 The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story:  death  wren  red  brew  dig

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the

prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: wren/wrench is ok but death/dearth is not.

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again.  It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

Contest opens: 9am, Saturday, 2/11/17 (EST)  ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday, 2/12/17 (EST)

My Entry:

“Father is threatening to shoot my low-rent brother, Benny,” said Mr. Brewster.

“Low-rent?” said the Sheriff.

“Father calls him a low-rent joyride athlete, because Benny is-- was-- a male prostitute. He says he’s retired.”

“Sounds like he has a problem with Benny’s lifestyle.”

“Father’s indignant about it, but that’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?”

“Benny has written a salacious memoir, pornographic yet surprisingly literate for him, and…”

“And your father doesn’t want it published.”

“Oh no, on the contrary. Father’s a publisher. Benny’s book would make a lot of money. But purely out of spite, Benny decided to self-publish.”

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UPDATE:  I made Janet Reid's "long list of finalists"! :O  Final results tomorrow.

UPDATE II: Not I, but the winner deserved to win. Janet said this about my story:  

I love how Kitty used the prompt words here very deftly. And of course, it's hilarious to touch on the theme of self-publishing. This made me laugh out loud.

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