Saturday, September 2, 2017

NANNA NEEDS A GAT


In honor of my new best friend Snappsy The Alligator, I think we need a writing contest!Prize will be a copy of Snappy The Alligator (Did Not Ask To Be In This Book) which I love with all my cold little heart! (yes I bought two copies, one for me, and one for me you.)

The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story: snap, gator, ask, tie, iron
3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: iron/irony is ok but tie/tile is not
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again.  It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.
12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.


Contest opens: 9am, Saturday 9/2 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday 9/3


"Where’s your nanna?"
"She’s napping. Why?"
"She said she needed some muscle and asked for a gat or a tire iron. Tire iron’s too heavy, so I got her this Beretta Pico .380."
"Nanna said gat?"
"Yeah, she must love old movies."
"God, don’t give her a gun. She’s dangerous! We had to take her license and car away because she drinks."
“Hey, cutie, is that my heater?”
“Nanna, you don’t know how…”
“I ain’t no Dumb Dora.” She grabbed the gun. “It’s puny, but it’ll do.”
She pointed it at her grandson. “Now, sonny, about my car and license…”



UPDATE: I didn't make the 5 finalists, but I did make the long list! Winner(s) not yet determined.


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Sunday, June 18, 2017

ONE LOUSY LETTER!

Janet Reid's Contest #101

The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story: last  letter  pogo (I put this one in just to see what Steve Forti will do with it!)  ease  lime
3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the
prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.
Thus: pogo/pogostick is ok, but last/least is not
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.
12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.


Contest opens: 9am, Saturdy, 6/17/17 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday, 6/18/17

My Entry (the very last one)




You wrote: “I was plastered.”
I meant to write, “It was plastered.”  It’s a typo, GOT IT?
What was plastered?
My hand.
Your hand was plastered?
A plaster is what you Yanks call a bandage.
Tell me again.
(sigh) I lost control of my car because my HAND was bandaged and slipped on the wheel, and I accidentally hit your police vehicle.
But you wrote…
Blimey, I forgot one lousy letter!
Hassling the perp, Officer?
A bit, Sir. He hit the police car...accidentally.
Oh!
I’ll release him when he’s finished his statement.
Carry on, Officer. (wink)
Yessir! (smile)


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UPDATE:  Cecilia is the winner, and Michael gets a prize, too, for Cecilia's inspiration.



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Sunday, May 21, 2017

CAN'T ESCAPE GRACELAND!

At last, at last! Thank God Almighty, at last! 
Here it is:  Janet Reid's Contest #100

The prize is pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. A copy of Vargic's Miscellany of Curious Maps,  which is one of my all time faves.

The usual rules apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story:

gaze (provided by Melanie Sue Bowles)
scapegrace  (provided by Julie Weathers)
scram (provided by Lennon Faris)
forti (provided by Megan V)
fin (provided by the comment column on 4/26/17)

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the
prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.
Thus: scram/scrambled is ok but scram/secret agent man is not.
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.
12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.



Contest opens: 9am, Saturday, May 20 ~~ Contest closes: 9am, Sunday, May 21


I have ZERO chance of winning, but I still love the challenge. So, without further ado, here's



Texting…
“You got us reservations?”
“Zelma’s coming, too?”
“We got married!”

Gird your loins, honey. Your father married her.

That meshuga Zelma? That floozy with a voice like fingernails on a blackboard and the intellectual depth of spit?

“CONGRATS! Reservations at Beaufort SC Ramada, 809 Port Republic St. FYI it’s BYOO-fort in SC. Where are you?”
“Memphis. Can’t escape Graceland!”

Zelma’s touring Graceland.

AGAIN? How am I supposed to be nice to her?

Just think of your inheritance.

...

“Congratulations, you two! Look, honey, they brought us another Elvis painting. On VELVET!”

“How (inheritance) lovely (inheritance). Thanks, Dad… (inheritance inheritance) Zelma.”


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UPDATE:  Janet has already posted her preliminary results.  I got a mention:

Not quite a story but these cracked me up completely:
Peter Taylor 8:30pm
LynnRodz 8:12am
Kitty 8:25am


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Saturday, May 13, 2017

STILL WAITING FOR JANET REID'S #100 FLASH FICTION CONTEST

In the meantime, it's a CATION CONTEST!

Get it? CATS!

What are these two fine felines thinking?
20 words or fewer!
One entry per person (or per cat!)
Post your answer in the comment column!
Contest opens now.
Contest closes around 7pm Eastern Shark time.
You're on your own for questions (sorry!) I'm fin deep in my requested reading stash.

Cooper and Ernie


Hey Ernie, Janet found the helium tank because here she comes with her inflatable shark.

Protract the claws. Ready, aim…



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Saturday, May 6, 2017

SOMETIMES THERE'S NO TALKING WITH HUMANS

No, it's not the #100 Janet Reid contest, but it is a CAPTION CONTEST!

Enter your caption for this photo in the comments section below.
Of course there's a prize!
Figure the contest will close around 7pm New York time.



Speaking of the Canon… Yeah, I lifted my leg on it. I’m a dog. What would you have done? In my defense, She said no before but now said yes “in a Twitter pitch fest.” So I asked her, “Where’s this twitter thing? I can pee anywhere.”  I don’t think she heard me because she said, “When your life goes off the rails, try Twitter pitching. C’mon, let’s go home. I’ve got Some housekeeping to do. Plus, it’s time for a Caption contest!

Sometimes there’s no talking with humans. I should be more like Pablo and Henry and play dumb. 






Explanation: The lines in bold print are recent titles of posts on Janet Reid's blog. Pablo and Henry are cats.

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UPDATE: And the winner is Mallory Love, but I did get a mention: "a Forti-esque tour de force...!"


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Saturday, April 1, 2017

AND A SIDE ORDER OF WORD SALAD, PLEASE

It's April 1st ... y'know, April Fool's Day.

I shoulda known that prankster Janet Reid would hold a contest with crazy rules.

I shoulda known, and yet

I FELL FOR IT!  Well played, Janet.

I think we need a contest!

The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 characters or fewer.

2. Use all these words in the story: avarice parmigiano rhubarb immobilization Liverpudlian fuel
3. You must use the whole word, and that whole word should be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must not be in consecutive order. They should be backwards.
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over), post again. Don't worry about spell-check.
6. Interstellar entries are allowed, but prizes may vary for those addresses.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you should have a title; it should be a pun.)
8. Under all circumstances you should tweet something about your particular entry to me. Example: "Hope you like my entry about Felix Buttonweezer!"  This is part of the judging.
8a. There are no circumstances in which it is ok to ask for fleabags from ME. NONE.
9. It's not ok to tweet about the contest generally. Example: "I just saw the flash fiction contest on Janet's blog and I'm so confused"
10. Please post anything but contest entries. (For example "I love Felix Buttonweezer's entry!")
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.
12. The stories should not be self-contained. That is: include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will be considered during the judging.


Contest opens: 7:26pm (EDT) 4/1/17  ~~  Contest closes: 9:26am (AEDT) 4/2/17






Liverpudlian rhubarb fuel.
Avarice immobilization?
Parmigiano!
And a side order of word salad, please.



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Update:  Janet was surprised that anyone actually wrote entries, so she thought it was only decent that there should be a winner.  She chose Steve: In an astonishing feat that had to be seen to be believed, the amazing Steve Forti not only used the prompt words, he used them backwards. I am in awe.

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Thursday, March 23, 2017

HOOPTEDOODLE WITH PABLO and HENRY

Janet Reid's latest contest...


So, here are Pablo and Henry.
Tell us what they're thinking.




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UPDATE:  Janet has listed the finalists, and I made the listNo explanation required of why I love this one, right?  [ HERE and HERE ]

She's added a twistNow, on to the new and diabolical way to torment you!
The prize for this contest is that the winning entry will provide the next prompt word for #100.
And I can hear you all shrieking and saying "oh my god, she IS going to pick Hooptedoodle, I knew it!"
But no. I'm going to let you choose your own adventure torment! From the entries above, pick the word that you think should be Word #4 for Contest #100.
Remember, a good prompt word is generally short, has more than one meaning, is not by definition pornographic or a swear word (although any word can take on those characteristics depending on context!)
Post your suggestions in the comment column. Include the entry writer with the word too, if you would.

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