"IT HAS A WAY WITH WOMEN"

It's Janet Reid's Upping the Ante writing contest!

You guyz have gotten entirely too good at these writing contests. Time to move up a division. (Sorry Carolynn, not doing essays!) Read the rules carefully this time: there are changes!

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Start with this phrase:  "And then she saw"

3. End with the phrase: "stunned her."

4. Use these three prompt words: cat   hat   splat

5. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.

Thus: cat/catering is fine but hat/heat is not.

6. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

7. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

9. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

 13. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date.

14. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story.

            Contest opens: 9am Saturday 4/30/16 ~~ Contest closes: 9am Sunday 5/1/16

My Entry:

The original 1951 Buick ad

 “And then she saw Catherine Higgins, Mrs. Platt said, after she hit her with her vehicle,” said the officer. 

“Ms. Higgins said nothing’s broken, it was an accident and she won’t press charges,” said the Chief. “Thank God that sweet old lady was driving slow and doesn’t know Arthur is seeing Ms. Higgins.”

Later, Arthur told his wife, “That Buick is simply too big. You can’t see over the steering wheel.”

“I can see just fine.”

“You need a smaller car.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes, Dear?”

 “Stop seeing Catherine or next time I’ll gun that Buick. This time I only stunned her.”

.....

The contest is now closed, so of course now I think of a slightly better version of the story. I couldn't think of it when I still had time to do a mulligan (#7 in the rules).  siiiiigh Of course not.  This story is actually a miniature version of a longer one I've been working on for a while. Reducing that story into 100 words was quite a feat. Regardless, I'm certain my story above won't win and the one below wouldn't have, either. Btw, I purposely did not italicize any words, as I did in the version below, because I thought (mistakenly) that Janet Reid doesn't care for italicized words. But I digress. Here's what I consider to be the better 100-word version:

“And then she saw Catherine Higgins after she hit her with her vehicle, Mrs. Platt said, but not before,” said the officer. 

“Ms. Higgins said nothing’s broken, it was an accident and she won’t press charges on that sweet old lady,” said the Chief. “Thank God that sweet old lady was driving slow.”

Later, Arthur told his wife, “That Buick is simply too big. You can’t see over the steering wheel.”

“I can see just fine.”

“You need a smaller car.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Stop seeing Catherine or next time I’ll gun that Buick. This time I only stunned her.”

The results are in:  I didn't win, but I made the finalist list! JR remarked: I'm a sucker for an old lady driving a Buick story, most likely cause Granddad was a Buick man. And I do like the little twist that no one expects a little old lady to be lethally aware of her man doing her wrong.


UPDATE! UPDATE!! 6/7/2016: If I want to collect and publish a selection of blog contest entries, like this one from Kitty,
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THE BLUSHING GROOM

It's Janet Reid's The Sayonara Amy, Smooth Seas Ahead Writing Contest
Let's send Amy off on her amazing journey with a writing contest!

The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story: sea   blue   salt   safe    land
3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt word must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: sea/seattle is ok, but salt/gestalt is not
4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date. 

Contest opens: Saturday March 12, 10am ~~ Contest closes: Sunday March 13, 11am 

(yea, hello daylight savings time)

My Entry:

At the seasoned age of eighty-two, Luella was getting married for the first time.  Waiting for the organist to begin, she ran down “the list.”

“Something old: me!  Something new: my shoes.  Something borrowed: my dress. Something bl… Oh my, I must confess something NOW!”

It’s safe to say Luella’s sins altogether wouldn’t amount to one decent confession.  Even so, Father O’Hara was immediately summoned.

Minutes later, Luella marched down the aisle, on her brother’s arm, wearing a garland of flowers in her hair, a smile on her face and "sinfully sheer blue undergarments" she bought in the lingerie department.

    Photo by my father, John Gould © late 1940s

And the winner is.... Not I, but Janet had this to say about my story: "This story was just utterly charming: kitty 2:50pm." I may not have won but I'm smiling :)

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NOTHING BEATS A GOOD PASTRAMI ON RYE WITH TWO DILLS

Janet Reid's Treasure chest writing contest!

To celebrate the spiffy new spread sheet of all the writing contest winners, it's a writing contest!   (Of course!)

The usual rules apply:
1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.
2. Use these words in the story:  tank  chest  tray  sure  smith
3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.
Thus: tank/stank is ok but smith/smiteth is not.
5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.
7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)
11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date. 
12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story. 

       Contest opens: Saturday 2/20/16 at 10am & Contest closes: Sunday 2/21/16 at 10am

My Entry:

Old Mrs. Mandelbaum was sitting at the register in her Manhattan kosher deli chain-smoking Chesterfields, ashtray poised for the fallout, while training a new busboy.

“Mayor’s coming,” the busboy said.

“Nanny Bloomers? That pinstripe schmuck doesn’t bother me.”

“Sylvia.”

“Michael.”

“You know smoking will kill you.”

“I'm blowing that theory to smithereens.” {laugh, cough, hack}

“It’s against the law to smoke in here.”

“So you keep telling me.”

“Is my order ready?”

“Pastrami on rye, two dills.”

“Just put it on my tab.” He smiled.  “See you tomorrow, Sylvia.”

“Always a pleasure, Michael.”

“Where’s the mayor’s tab?”

“I’m smoking it.”

OMG! I made Janet Reid's SHORT LIST, again!  

And these were her comments:"This just cracked me up.  You need to know that Mayor Michael Bloomberg was derided as "Nanny Bloomers" for his efforts to pass legislation about health stuff (like banning smoking in bars.)   And "chain smoking Chesterfields" is a great use of brand names to convey characters.   If she'd been chain smoking Virginia Slims you'd have a whole different idea of her, right?   And it took me three passes to find the prompt word tank! "

And the winner is.... Sara Halle. 

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WE CAN ONLY GRIEVE SO LONG

Janet's Reid's Flash fiction writing contest 

I read a terrific book over the holiday break that will be our prize for the first flash fiction contest of the new year. BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT by Neal Griffin 

The usual rules, plus the new one #12, apply: 

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer. 

2. Use these words in the story: absorb,  execute,  bold,  shim,  chill 

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards. Thus: shim/shimmer is ok, but shim/shrimp is not 

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post. 

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post. 

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title) 

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date. 

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story. 

                Contest opens: Saturday 1/9/16 10am Contest closes: Sunday, 1/10/16, 10am

My Entry:

We were flying to Chillicothe to execute our mother’s will. 

“I’m still trying to absorb Mother is dead and you’re divvying up our inheritance?”

“Oh, posh. Imagine yourself in her fab Oldsmobile convertible. We’re talking vintage 1958 in mint condition.”

“I should’ve been nicer to her.”

“I want her china.”

“We argued our last phone call.”

“And her silver.”

“What if that caused her heart attack?”

“And her jewelry.”

“OHMYGOD, I killed her!”

“Get a grip! She was a miserable battleaxe.”

[sigh] “True, nobody got along with her.”

“Now, about the Olds…”

“I would look good in it, wouldn’t I.”

.....

AND THE WINNER IS... Not I, but my "Chillicothe" was recognized as an "innovative" use of the prompt word chill.


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"YOU'RE NOT TOO SMART, ARE YOU? I LIKE THAT IN A MAN."

Janet Reid's Killing Trail flash fiction contest!

Friday, December 11, 2015

My list of ten plus one (ok, two) best reads of 2015 includes Killing Trail by Margaret Mizushima. It's a terrific book, and I'm very much looking forward to many more titles in this series. To celebrate the arrival of this terrific debut author let's have a contest! Prize will be a copy of the book!

The usual rules, plus the new one, #12, apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story:  trail   cob  robo  bark  vet 

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the

prompt must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.

Thus: trail/trailer is ok, but cob/comb is not.

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

7. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

11. You agree that your contest entry can remain posted on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't later ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date. 

NEW! 

12. The stories must be self-contained. That is: do not include links or footnotes to explain any part of the story. Those extras will not be considered part of the story and are generally viewed as disqualifiers from serious consideration.

Contest opens: Saturday 12/12/15 10am  ~  Contest closes: Sunday 12/13/15 10am

My Entry:

“That Corvette’s trailing us,” she said.

They had stopped so she could use the ladies room. She found him at the bar kicking back Johnnie Walker.

“It’s a Shelby Cobra 427 owned by a very successful bounty hunter.”

“You know him?”

“While you were indisposed, he called and said I’m cleared, but your bond was revoked.”

“Your friend corroborated our alibi… right?”

“My friend wouldn’t vouch for you; he said you’d burn me.  I didn’t believe him. Then I found your ticket to Montenegro, a non-extradition country. Y’know, you really shouldn’t have told me ‘Body Heat’ is your favorite movie.”

.....


The title - "YOU'RE NOT TOO SMART, ARE YOU? I LIKE THAT IN A MAN." - is a quote from the 1981 movie Body Heat

.....


UPDATE: Janet didn't waste time with a long list of recognitions. It was short'n'sweet, ending with the winner, whose story was really good. I think she's really busy and wanted to get to it. I didn't make the list; a lot of us didn't. I'm just glad I was finally able to crank out a story this time. I've been unable to write much of anything for too long. And I gotta say, it was agonizing birthing this one, but I finally got something written. 


.....

PILGRIMS' PROGRESS

I wrote the following in 2003.

          

          

I would have made the sorriest excuse for a Pilgrim. I came to this conclusion on a cold November day several years ago as I wielded an ax trying to chop a rotten tree limb. I hacked away, flinging splinters everywhere, as the deadwood flopped about like a fish out of water. Our trained and fearless German Shepherd dog fled in terror from my butchering of the branch. And yet after all my sweat and effort, all that was left was a pulpy mess.

            That’s when it struck me: I would have made the sorriest excuse for a Pilgrim. I stood there wondering, “How did they do it?” With nothing but primitive tools, how did those Pilgrims fell full-grown trees and split them into logs in order to survive that first winter? I couldn’t chop a single piece of rotten wood. How would I have possibly managed hardwood trees?

            I have a particular interest in the subject ever since I learned from my family’s genealogy that my ancestor, Moses Simmons, had arrived in Plymouth, MA, on November 9, 1621. He was 16 years old. I looked at that miserable mess of wood I had made that day and thought of Moses. I felt certain that had my ancestors’ survival depended upon me instead of Moses, we would have surely perished.

            We live in a flood plain, and since 1993 our basement has been flooded by runoff water many times. In January of 1996, and again in November, we had to evacuate to the Comfort Inn because the road we live on flooded. Water would spring up through fissures in the cement of the basement floor and level off at some point, usually between two and three feet. We would be without heat and hot water for several days. Even after the water receded, I would have to trek to the laundromat for at least another week while my washer and dryer dried out.

            As dispiriting as a basement full of water can be, it is more of an inconvenience than a hardship. I am humbled by the thought of the genuine adversity that faced those first colonists. I bemoaned the fact that we had to evacuate to a motel with heat, hot showers and cable TV. Yet 382 years ago this month Moses Simmons arrived at Plymouth and was greeted with nothing more than the prospect of a long, harsh winter ahead. No Red Cross. No Comfort Inn. No Black and Decker power tools. Not a single State Farm insurance agent in sight.

            I readily admit I’m a wuss, a spoiled product of our times. I wouldn’t trade my computer for an inkwell and a quill. Nor would I ever relinquish the advances in modern medicine. And I’ll be eternally grateful to whoever invented the treadmill, although I’m certain Moses Simmons would be flummoxed by its logic.

            Approximately 50 percent of the Pilgrims died that first winter in 1620. Considering the unfathomable odds they faced, a 50 percent survival rate is a testament to their ability and fortitude. Moses Simmons not only survived his first winter in 1621, he lived for another 68-70 years, which is why every Thanksgiving I bow my head and thank God it was Moses who lived back then and not I.

***

BROTHERLY LOVE

Janet Reid's latest flash fiction challenge...

The So Long Colin it was good to meet you Writing Contest

Colin Smith took leave of his senses this week (egged on by LynnRodz, to be sure) and suggested a writing contest leaving out the letter "e"

Colin Smith: 

@LynnRodz: I was thinking the same thing (a flash contest without the letter "e"). Maybe with a few prompt words thrown in too. After all, we have Donna's deal to celebrate, and there's that map book Janet's been tormenting us with... :)

And then suggested my precious prescioussssssssss map book as the prize.

Well, clearly this kind of rebellion from those exiles in Carkoon must be squelched at once.

There IS a writing contest of course, since that's how we determine their fate.

Usual rules, plus a new #9, apply:

1. Write a story using 100 words or fewer.

2. Use these words in the story:  eject  chute  plunge  gape  less

[You'll notice all those words contain an "e". ]

3. You must use the whole word, but that whole word can be part of a larger word. The letters for the prompt word must appear in consecutive order. They cannot be backwards.

Thus: chute/parachute is ok, but chute/chutney is not

4. Post the entry in the comment column of THIS blog post.

5. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan (a do-over) erase your entry and post again. It helps to work out your entry first, then post.

6. Titles count as part of the word count (you don't need a title)

9. By posting an entry, you agree your contest entry can remain visible on the blog for the life of the blog. In other words, you can't ask me to delete the entry and any comments about the entry at a later date. 

Contest opens: Saturday 10/24, 10am  Contest closes: Sunday 10/25, 10am

My Entry:

BROTHERLY LOVE

My brother dared me to plunge down the coal chute. “Prove you ain’t no reject.” 

My mouth gaped as I stared down the dark hole.

“I triple-dog-dare you!”

Afterwards, Ma examined my sprained ankle and said, “I hope you learned your lesson!”

Leading the way, he triple-dog-dared me through schoolyard bullies, The Great Depression, basic training and three wars.

…

“I triple-dog-dare you to stay,” he whispered.

“This time I go first. I’ll be there waiting for you. Okay, Father.”

“By this holy unction, and through His great mercy, may God pardon you whatever sins you have committed…”

UPDATE:  I didn't win, but I got special recognition: Not quite a story, but not a dry eye in the house after reading this one!

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